


Magnetism

by SelenaTerna



Series: Human AUs [4]
Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Architect!Rose, Astrophysicist!Doctor, Based on a True Story, F/M, Fluff, Human AU, Humour, Magnets, Neighbour AU, Romance, Sorry Not Sorry, with fanfic embellishments of course
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:40:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25877563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SelenaTerna/pseuds/SelenaTerna
Summary: Rose gets called to the hospital when her friend and neighbour gets himself into an interesting predicament...involving magnets up his nose.
Relationships: Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Series: Human AUs [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1877833
Comments: 42
Kudos: 99





	Magnetism

**Author's Note:**

  * For [goingtothetardis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/goingtothetardis/gifts).



> Helloooooo shiny people! Guess who's finally managed to wrestle the muse into submission? It's been a while, but as we all know what 2020 is pulling...no surprises I suppose. 
> 
> This fic is based on a real life situation. A bored Australian astrophysicist literally got magnets (FOUR magnets) stuck up his nose while he was trying to invent a device to stop people from touching their faces to avoid catching the Coronavirus. For real. Link to the article is here if you're interested. [https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2020/mar/30/astrophysicist-gets-magnets-stuck-up-nose-while-inventing-coronavirus-device](url)
> 
> Naturally, this led to a ridiculous exchange and much laughter between goingtothetardis and myself and somehow I found myself agreeing to write this fic. At last, it is done. I've spent almost two weeks editing this, and I'm still iffy about it, so if you hate it- sorry! Blame it on 2020, or me being a bit rusty. 
> 
> Many thanks to goingtothetardis and Rose_Nebula for the read throughs. Any mistakes are my fault.
> 
> And now, on with the show!

“Hello, am I speaking with Rose Tyler?”

Rose shifted the phone to her other ear and stirred the simmering pasta sauce. “Yeah, speaking.”

“Good evening Ms Tyler, this is Phillip Jamison, junior A&E doctor at University College Hospital.” He cleared his throat. “You’re listed as the next of kin for a Dr John Smith.”

She sighed resignedly and turned off the hob. Evidently, dinner was going to have to wait. “Alright, what’s he gone and done now? Soldered his laces together and burned his toes again?”

“Er, well, no ma’am, nothing quite as serious as that, I’m glad to say.”

“Makes for a change, anyway. What’s he done, then?”

“Well, this might sound a little odd, Ms Tyler…”

“You’re new there, yeah?” Rose laughed. “The Doctor _is_ odd. Trust me, I doubt whatever he’s done is any stranger than soldering the metal tips of his laces together so he doesn’t have to keep retyin’ them!”

“Er, no…that is, well, quite.” Dr Jamison cleared his throat again. “It’s, er…well, it was… _magnets_ , Ms Tyler.”

“Beg your pardon?” She blinked, wondering if she’d heard him correctly. “Did you say _magnets?”_

“I’m afraid that, well…” Another throat clearing, and this one sounded suspiciously as though it were covering a laugh. “I regret to inform you that Dr Smith currently has four magnets lodged in his nasal cavity and requires some assistance in, er… _dislodging_ them.”

Rose’s mouth fell open. “He what? Are you _seriously_ tellin’ me he has four magnets shoved up his nose?”

“I’m afraid so.”

Rose exhaled slowly, counting to ten. Even for the Doctor, this was verging on mental. Truth be told, she was surprised that this Dr Jamison wasn’t howling down the phone with laughter.

“How in the bloody hell did he manage to get magnets up there?” she demanded. “ _Four_ magnets, no less?”

“You’d have to ask Dr Smith, ma’am.”

“Oh, I will!” She dashed into the corridor, snatching her handbag and coat on the way out and slamming the door behind her. “Too right I will!”

“We’ve administered a local anaesthetic to assist us in the, er, extraction and ordinarily, Dr Smith would be able to make his own way home. However, he seems to be having a most, er, _unusual_ reaction to the anaesthetic and, per hospital protocol, Dr. Smith must-”

“-must have someone to take him home and stay with him overnight. Yeah, I know.” She didn’t bother to add that the anaesthetic had nothing to do with it, and that anything unusual was _all_ the Doctor. Poor bloke would work it out for himself soon enough. “Right, I’ll be there in an hour.”

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

An hour later, Rose strode through the all-too-familiar doors of the University College Hospital A&E and made for the front desk.

“Blondie, good to see you.”

“Hey Donna, working late today?” Rose greeted the red-haired Nursing Unit Manager. Thanks to the Doctor’s antics over two years she’d known him, she’d gotten to know Donna _very_ well and they’d formed a friendship of sorts.

“I was waiting for you, knew you’d be in soon enough. _Magnets._ ” Donna rolled her eyes. “Honestly, are you _sure_ he’s a genius? I mean, shoving magnets up his nose…”

“Probably got caught up doing some kind of mad experiment and didn’t realise what he was doing.” Rose shook her head. “’S just how he is. He gets so caught up in his brain and his ideas that I think he just sort of…forgets about reality sometimes.”

 _“Sometimes?”_ Donna raised an eyebrow. “ _All_ the time, more like it. I dunno how you put up with him.”

“He’s my friend.” Rose shrugged. “And we’re neighbours.”

“Oh, is that what they’re calling it these days?” Donna snorted. “Please, you two are sickeningly obvious.”

“Don’t start that again, Donna.” Rose ruthlessly suppressed the hope that bubbled to the surface every time they had this conversation. She’d fancied her tall, skinny neighbour since practically the moment they’d met, but unfortunately, as attached to her as he seemed to be, he’d never shown any interest in anything beyond the platonic with her. Or with anyone, for that matter. “You know we’re just mates.”

“Oh, he wants to _mate_ with you alright, Sunshine.” 

“Shhhhh!” Rose looked around frantically. “Seriously Donna, he’s not…he doesn’t look at me that way. Honestly, I’ve never seen him look at anyone that way. I don’t even know if he thinks about…that. I’ve never even seen him with anyone.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Donna looked at her pityingly. “Have you _seen_ the way he looks at you?”

“Trust me Donna, he doesn’t.”

“Who doesn’t what?” A male voice in American tones asked. “Ooooh, do we have juicy gossip? Do tell!”

Rose smiled in spite of herself and turned to face one of her favourite nurses. “Hey, Jack.”

“Rosie darling, looking fabulous as always. I assume you’re here for the Doc?” Seeing her nod, Jack sighed. _“Such_ a shame you’ve already snaffled him- I’d make a move myself otherwise. On either of you. Or both.” He waggled his eyebrows.

Donna snorted. “She’s still in denial. Reckons the Spaceman doesn’t-” and here she waggled her fingers “- _do_ that.”

Jack’s eyes grew wide. “Are you telling me you kids haven’t shacked up _yet?_ The way he was eyeing your sweet little bum in those jeans last time, I could’ve sworn he was finally going to make a move.”

“Yeah, well, I hate to disappoint you but he was inspectin’ the consistency of the fabric.” She rolled her eyes at their sounds of disbelief. “No, seriously. He spent the whole drive home tryin’ to decide if the wash-marks meant the fabric was thinner in places. Then he spent another _hour_ inspecting my coat at home.” She raised an eyebrow. “While it was in the cupboard.”

 _“Fabric consistency?”_ Donna rolled her eyes. _“_ Oh, please _.”_

“Well he was, and I have the trauma from _that_ lecture to prove it.” Rose sighed. “Trust me, that’s an hour an’ a half I’m never getting back.”

Jack blinked. “You know, that is actually…quite brilliant.”

“What?” She stared in confusion. “Inspectin' the fabric of my coat?”

“What? No,” he scoffed. “Newsflash, sweetheart, he was eyeing your sweet little rump like a juicy, juicy steak. That fabric rigmarole was obviously just a cover, no doubt about it. I meant that it’s a _brilliant_ ploy. Inspecting the fabric…while you’re actually inspecting what’s _inside_ the fabric.” He waggled his eyebrows. “I love it.” 

“Oh, Lord,” Rose groaned and turned to Donna. “I’m sorry in advance for all the complaints or coppers headin’ your way’.”

“Oh, please, look at this face.” Jack batted his eyelashes at his supervisor. “Would _you_ arrest me?”

“In a heartbeat.” Donna folded her arms. “I’m warning you Harkness, you start harassing anyone or disrupting my ward in any way, and you’re going to be modelling the first modern male chastity belt.” She narrowed her eyes. “And we wouldn’t want me to _accidentally_ lose the key, now, would we?”

Jack gulped. “No ma’am.”

“Right, then. Eyes off bums and back on your work, Sunshine.”

Seeing a chance to escape any further discussion about bums and lanky blokes who were too pretty for their own good, Rose cleared her throat. “Um, right…you two look busy, so I reckon I should find the Doctor.” She looked between the two of them. “He’s in cubicles, yeah?”

Donna turned her eyes from a visibly nervous Jack. “Yeah, number ten. The JMO should be stopping by with his paperwork soon.” She rolled her eyes. “They’ll want to clear the bed before the Friday night crowd starts pouring in. I’ll let you in.”

With a hurried “thanks!” Rose darted through the door and down the all-too-familiar corridor. As she neared the Emergency cubicles, she heard a _very_ familiar voice.

“I don’t mind waiting in the waiting room, if you need the bed. Rose will be here soon anyway.” 

“That’s alright Dr Smith,” came the slightly tired reply. “Wouldn’t you rather lie down while you wait?”

“Nope!” Came the cheerful reply, popping the ‘p’. “I like walking, gets the blood flowing. Fascinating stuff, blood, don’t you think?.”

“Yes, I suppose-”

“So I’ll just keep pacing then, while I wait for Rose. Roooose Tyler.”

“If that’s what you-”

“Thought I might take a look at that x-ray machine for you in the meantime.”

“No need,” the bewildered voice interjected hurriedly. “Really, it’s very kind of you to offer, Doctor, but we’ve already called the technician.”

“But it won’t take a jiffy!” Moments later the curtain was yanked aside and a tousled brown head poked out, looking this way and that. “Just takes a bit of jiggery-pokery and bing-bong, good as new!” 

However, a moment later he caught sight of Rose and bounded over, beaming. He dragged her back to the cubicle and she caught a brief glimpse of a relieved clinician before her vision was filled with brown pinstripes and wild brown hair.

“Rose!” His hug nearly squeezed the air from her lungs. “You came!”

“Of course I did, you numpty.” She hugged him back just as fiercely before stepping back to eye him sternly. “Now what have you gone and done this time?”

He grinned sheepishly at her. “Might’ve gotten a magnet or two stuck up my nose.” 

She raised an eyebrow, trying to ignore the butterflies caused by his smile. No man should look that good with cotton up his nose. “Or four?”

“Or four.” He shrugged. “Lost count, really. Was busy.”

“Doing what?” she demanded. “Seriously how did you manage to get _four_ magnets stuck up your nose? What the hell were you doing?”

He beamed. “I was trying to invent a device that stops people from touching their faces.”

“Come again?” She stared at him. “Aren’t you in astrophysics? And why would you want to stop someone touchin’ their face anyway?”

“Weelllll.” He scratched his head. “You remember Adric? My student?”

“Yeah…”

“Well, he had a mole removed from his face a little while ago, and he keeps scratching the wound. Won’t heal at this rate, might even get infected.”

Rose shook her head. “But why didn’t he just see his doctor? Or better yet, stop scratching!”

“Well where’s the fun in that? And what could his doctor do, Rose? Put another strip on it? Tell him not to scratch it? He can’t help the scratching, doesn’t even realise he’s doing it half the time.” The Doctor straightened. “Besides, it can’t be _that_ hard to whip something up. So I was trying to make a device that would beep every time he moved his hand to his face.”

She sighed. She could see where this was going. “Right. And this device has magnets in it.”

“Precisely,” he beamed. “ I was going to build a circuit that detects magnetic fields, and put a magnet in the accompanying wristband.”

“And this led to you putting magnets up your nose _how?”_

He shrugged. “I got bored, so I started…experimenting. Thought it might be fun to play with the placement of the magnets and see if it worked. I tried my earlobes, my neck…and my nose.”

Rose exhaled and closed her eyes. “Of course you did.”

“I put two on the inside of my nose and two on the outside.” He frowned. “Then the two on the inside just sort of…glommed together somehow and I couldn't get them to move. So I thought that I could use the two from the outside to pull the others out. Didn’t work and I ended up with one giant, magnet-y blob-y…thing. On the inside of my nose.” He shrugged. “And I couldn’t get it out. So I had Adric bring me here. When he’d stopped laughing.”

“I…see.”

“Well, he was laughing like an hysterical hyena, Rose! Wasn’t safe to drive, and you know my motto is safety first.”

Rose bit the inside of her cheek and tried not to burst into hysterical laughter herself. _Safety first!_ From the man who’d soldered his shoelaces a few weeks ago while wearing said shoes.

“Right, yeah. So he brought you here and they fixed you up.”

“Yep.” He bounced on his toes. “Fix ‘em up buttercup.”

Unable to help a small sigh, she turned to the frazzled doctor in the corner. “Dr Jamison, yeah?”

“Yes.” He tried to smile. “Ms Tyler, I presume?”

“Yeah, that’s right.” Eyeing his expression, she took pity on him. “I’m guessin’ you’ll be pretty full up soon, so we’ll get out of your hair. Is the paperwork ready?”

“Yes!” Dr Jamison seized a packet of papers from the bedside table and practically thrust it at them. “All in order. Just avoid driving, drinking alcohol or anything too strenuous, Dr Smith, for at least another two hours, and er, it might be best to have Ms Tyler nearby in case of any ill effects.”

The Doctor beamed. “I always keep Rose nearby. Can’t have any ill effects when she’s around.”

Really, how was she meant to keep her feelings platonic when he said things like _that_? Pushing the warm, fuzzy feeling back down where it belonged, she seized the Doctor’s arm with one hand and accepted the paperwork with the other. 

“Come on, then, home for us.”

“But Rooooose,” he protested. “I was going to fix the x-ray machine.” 

“I’m sure that Dr Jamison and the others would love that” - how she kept a straight face in view of the sheer panic on Dr Jamison’s face, she’d never know- “but I’ve got dinner half-finished.” She winked at the pathetically grateful expression on the young doctor’s face. “I was cookin’ when they rang, and you don’t want the food to go off, do you?”

“Well, I suppose…”

“And besides, I’m starving. Haven’t eaten since lunch.”

The Doctor blinked. “You haven’t? Why not?”

“I was busy with the new building plans at work and then there were problems on the Tube and it took forever to get home. And then they rang me to come and get you.”

“Oh.” He frowned. “You know, I’m not sure if I’ve eaten since lunch.” He scratched his head. “Can’t recall if I’ve _eaten_ lunch, actually, come to think of it. It’s all a bit of a blur, really, when I’m caught up.”

She shook her head. “It’s a wonder that brain of yours can keep functioning, sometimes.”

He shrugged. “There’s a lot of it.”

“And it needs fuel to operate, so why don’t we let Dr Jamison have a breather before the Friday night influx and head home to eat?” She blinked at him innocently. “I might be persuaded to pick up a banana cream pie on the way home.”

He blinked. “Banana cream pie?”

“Yep.” It was her turn to pop the p’s. “Course, I didn’t bother before because there’s no sense in getting a whole pie for just _one_ person, but since I have company now…” She trailed off meaningfully.

He stared at her for a moment, practically quivering before he exploded into action. “ThankyouDrJamisonmustdashhaveanicenight!”

And seizing Rose’s hand, he shouted “ _Allons-y!”_

So they ran, past the bewildered Dr Jamison and out to reception, past the smirking Donna and Jack who eyed their joined hands meaningfully, past bewildered patients and attendants, through the front door and right into the first cab on the rank.

“Where to, then?” the cabbie asked.

“TARDIS bakery, Wandsworth!” The Doctor practically shouted. “Please.”

“You got a street address for’at?”

As the Doctor babbled not only an address, but directions also, all while clutching her hand, Rose settled back into the seat and smirked.

Worked every time.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

_A few hours later_

“Please, Rose?”

“You’re not supposed to.”

“Oh, go on. Just a little?”

“The doctor said no alcohol.” Rose raised her eyebrows. “Remember?”

“Jamison said no alcohol for a couple of hours- it’s been three!” The Doctor leaned back into the couch and held out his glass plaintively. “And it was just a local anyway- it’s not my fault they thought it’d made me bonkers.”

“‘Scuse me? You _are_ bonkers. And you’re terrible with alcohol anyway. Remember the last time?”

“I might have gotten a little sleepy and…odd,” the Doctor allowed. “But nothing _that_ bad.”

She stared at him incredulously. “You were whispering Shakespearean sonnets to my cushions. After singing love songs in the hallway at the top of your lungs. And then you keeled over in the middle of _Moon River._ ”

“Weeeeellll…alright, I might’ve gone a bit far there. But.” He leaned forward. “I’d had _a lot_ then. Promise I won’t sneak any when you’re not looking this time.”

“’S pretty small comfort, really.” Rose bit her lip. “Besides, what if it’s still too soon?”

“I’ll be fine, Rose! Brilliant!” He straightened in his chair. “Besides, I’d know if it was harmful- I do have a medical degree, you know.”

“You what?” She stared. “But you’re an astrophysicist!”

“Yes, well.” He shrugged. “Got bored a few years ago and read medicine, you know, for the fun of it.”

“You read medicine for the…” she shook her head. “Whatever, still doesn’t make you a trained doctor with experience.”

“No, but I’m a genius!” He beamed. “Ask anyone.”

Rose snorted in spite of herself. “Hope you’re not including Donna in that ‘anyone.’ I reckon she thinks you were _misdiagnosed_ as a genius.”

“What?” He sounded indignant. “Why?”

Rose rolled her eyes. “What kind of genius lands himself in the A&E with magnets up his nose?”

He shrugged, drawing her attention to the surprisingly taut muscles and slim frame under his too-tight Oxford. “I can’t help it. My experiments always seem like a good idea at the time.”

Tearing her eyes away, she turned her attention to cutting the pie. “Yeah, I’m sure they do, till you manage to get yourself in A&E for some crazy thing. Remember the time you got the miniature dart stuck in your eye?”

“It was an experiment, Rose! I wanted to see how the little crossbow worked!”

She sighed. “Yeah, but did you have to trigger it while it was pointing up at your face?”

“I was examining the firing mechanism!”

“Yeah, well, the dart went straight into your eye! You’re just lucky that Dr Sullivan was visiting Professor Lethbridge-Stewart that afternoon! You could’ve lost your eye if he hadn’t been there!”

“I didn’t though.”

“’Cause you were lucky!” Rose shook her head. “Honestly, you could give a person grey hair.”

He leaned forward and peered at her unblinkingly, making her shift in her seat. “I dunno, your hair looks sunny to me. Nice and yellow. Like a banana.”

Rose tried to contain her snort. “Right, thanks for that. An’ speaking of bananas, you goin’ to eat this pie or what?”

“Course I will!” His left hand shot out and snatched the plate. “As if I’d leave banana cream pie!” He blinked and held out his glass with his free hand. “Can I have my _Creme de Banane_ to complement this stupendous pie? Please?”

Her insides fluttered at his devastating puppy-eyes. Who was she kidding? She’d never been able to say no to _that_ look. With a sigh, she gave in.

“Oh, alright. Don’t even know how you drink this stuff, honestly.” She leaned forward and poured him a couple of fingers from the bottle she kept only for him. “But that’s it!” She eyed him sternly, trying not to laugh at his dismayed expression. “So you make that last because you’re not getting anymore than that tonight- don’t need you waking the neighbours with your midnight serenades again.”

“I’m not _that_ bad!” He sat back, clutching his plate and glass closely. “You make me sound like a cheap drunk.”

“’S just…you don’t have a high tolerance for alcohol, that’s all. You can’t deny it,” she added, seeing him open his mouth. “Your face gets all flushed and it goes right to your head. From practically nothin’!”

“Well,” he sulked. “Still.”

“Still nothing, you know it’s true. So no more for you tonight, alright?”

“Fine, yes, alright.” he grumbled.

“Good. Now, are you going to eat that or…”

“Don’t you dare! This is _mine!”_ He shovelled a large chunk into his mouth and chewed, his irritation fading as he gobbled his favourite dessert. “Ish good, Rose.” He sipped his liqueur, a look of bliss on his face. “Ish very good.”

“I’m glad.” She took a bite of her own pie and they chewed in companionable silence for a while. They couldn’t have been eating for more than a few minutes, however, before her mobile rang.

“Kitchen!” the Doctor mumbled around his pie as she patted her pockets. “Bag’s in the kitchen, mobile in the bag.”

 _Bother,_ he was right. With a sigh, she reluctantly left her comfy perch and made her way into the kitchen. When she finally fished the still-ringing device out of her bag, she saw that it was Donna.

“‘Lo?”

“Hi Blondie, just checking in. You get Spaceman sorted alright?”

“Yeah.” Rose caught sight of the dishes stacked in the sink. “He’s fine. Didn’t have the heart to tell the new bloke that it wasn’t the anaesthetic that made him all loopy, though.”

Donna snorted. “He’ll work it out for himself soon enough. Did you ever manage to find out how he got magnets stuck up his beak?”

“Yeah.” Pushing the phone between her shoulder and her ear, Rose made her way to the sink, deciding she may as well rinse and stack the dishwasher while she was at it. “Some device he was inventin’, and then he got bored and ended up shoving ‘em up his nose.”

“Honestly, Rose, I’ve got a four old nephew with better sense than that.”

“It is what it is, Donna.”

“Yeah.” There was a pause. “So any lectures on fabric consistency and composition tonight?”

“Donna…”

“Oh come off it. You know he was staring at your arse like a dog with a treat. Even Jack thinks so.”

Rose rolled her eyes as she rinsed. “Jack just thinks that because _he’s_ eyein’ my arse, everyone else is too.”

“Rose…”

“Come on Donna, you know it’s true. Jack thinks everything is about sex and he eyes _everyone’s_ arse.” Stacking the last of the dishes, she reached for the saucepan. “Anyway, look, I have to go. I’ve left him alone in there with most of a banana cream pie.”

“God help you.” Donna snorted. “Alright, Blondie, I know a polite ‘shut it’ when I hear one. You get back to that skinny streak of nothing and see what’s left of your living room and I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

Rose smiled in spite of herself. “Thanks Donna. An’ thanks for checking in, yeah?”

“Anytime.”

“Night.”

“Sleep well, Blondie.”

Popping her phone onto the counter, she called out to the Doctor, who had been suspiciously quiet. “Everything ok in there?”

There was a moment of silence.

“Yes!” he finally replied. “Fine, brilliant!”

“Good. Won’t be a mo, I’ll just finish up in here. Turn on the telly, if you like.”

“Fine and dandy, marvellous!” was the somewhat overenthusiastic reply.

She shook her head and turned back to cleaning up the kitchen.

Twenty minutes later, she made her way back into the living room and was surprised to find the Doctor clutching an almost untouched glass and no telly.

“Sorry about that, thought I’d do the dishes while I was at it.”

“Oh, yes, fine.” He blinked owlishly. “I was busy. Eating pie.”

Seeing the nearly empty box, Rose shook her head ruefully as she picked up her plate. “I can see that. S’pose I should be thankful you didn’t eat mine.”

“Nope!” He smacked his lips. “I left it. For you.” He cocked his head. “Was…that Donna?”

“Hm? Oh yeah, it was. She was checkin’ in.” Rose answered between bites.

“That’s nice.” He tried to look stern. “Why was Jack looking? At your bum? Again?”

“What? What’s brought this on, then?” She frowned at his flushed cheeks. “Are you feelin’ alright?”

“I’m fine, and don’t dodge the question, Rose!” He pointed emphatically with his fork before taking a big gulp of his sickly sweet liqueur.

“What question? You didn’t ask a question!” She stared at him as he swayed slightly in his seat, suspicion growing.

“I did!” He swayed again. “Tell me Rose…did he…apologise?”

“What for?”

He took another gulp. “For staring! At your bum.” He smacked his lips. “It’s a very nice bum, of course. Round and very…grabbable. Grabbabable.” He frowned. “But not for Jack.”

“Oh my...you’ve been sneaking the liqueur! How much have you had?”

He blinked owlishly before downing the remainder of his glass. “Just a smidge. Weeeeelllll. Not a smidge, precisely. More like a dollop. A generous dollop. Like whipped cream on hot chocolate.” He beamed. “I like hot chocolate, Rose.”

“Banana liqueur isn’t hot chocolate, you maniac.” Peering at the bottle, she buried her face in her hands. “You’ve had at least a couple of glasses worth! An’ now you’re getting drunker by the minute.” She shook her head. “You’ll be singing to my sofa soon enough.”

He cocked his head, looking down at the sofa. “’S a very lovely sofa, Rose. Soothingly soft. Capitally comfortable.”

She didn’t know whether to laugh or throttle him. “I’m glad you think so, since you’ll be spending the night on it. Again.”

He beamed. “I like Rose’s sofa.”

“I can see that.”

“And I like Rose.” He frowned. “I think Jack likes Rose. He was… _looking_. At her bum.”

“Are we back to that again?” Why did he keep harping on that? “Jack looks at everyone’s bum. Even yours.”

He blinked. “Does he really?” Standing shakily, he tried to peer over his shoulder and down at his bum, only to fall back onto the sofa for his trouble. “Dunno what all the fuss is about. Roooose’s is much nicer. ” He frowned. “He be shouldn’t looking at Rose’s rear…assets.”

“Rear _assets_? Seriously?”

“They absolutely are. Rear assets.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. “Profoundly impressive and a little bit foxy.”

“Oh my…” Her mouth dropped open and dimly, she registered that either the liqueur had scrambled his brain beyond belief or else she owed Donna several ‘I told you so’ drinks. But it wasn’t the time to worry about any of that now. He was drunk off his socks, and the sooner she got him settled, the sooner she could go to bed and relax. Besides, she could always kill him in the morning.

She cleared her throat. “Forget it. Look, it doesn’t matter.”

“It does!” he stopped, clearly trying to focus. “Rose is off limits. Why…does he look?”

She pushed down the silly, hopeful thoughts suggesting that it was jealousy. “Because that’s what he does. It doesn’t mean anything, no need to get worked up about it.” 

“Of course. I should.” He shook his head, trying to clear it. “He wants Rose. But he can’t have Rose!”

This time she was the one blinking. “Why not?”

“Because Rose is _my_ plus-one!” He hiccoughed. “My hand…to hold.”

“You don’t mean that.” Nothing could slow the traitorous pounding of her heart now. 

“Yes! She’s _my_ Rose.”

“You’re just feeling a bit funny from the drink-“

“No! Rose Tyler and…the Doctor.” He grabbed her hands, staring desperately at her. “As it should be.”

She couldn’t breathe. “You’ve never told…Rose…You never said.”

“Does it need saying?”

She swallowed. “Yeah, I think it does.”

“I’ve tried!” He swayed a little. “Lots of times! Can’t find the right words. I know lots of words!”

Her laugh almost sounded like a sob. “I know you do.”

“Lots of big, brilliant, becoming, boisterous, buxom words!”

Part of her admired that even three sheets to the wind, his alliteration was a thing of beauty. “Buxom?”

He paused. “Weeeeelllll, not buxom, no. Rose is buxom, though.” He swayed slightly. “I have lots of words! But never the right ones.” He sighed dejectedly. “Tried…liquid courage. Didn’t work.” He shook his head mournfully. “What use are…all the words if I can’t find the ones to give Rose?”

She managed to draw a small breath. “Maybe you just need to tell her how you feel.”

“I do! Did. Didoo?” He frowned. “I told Rose she was brilliant.”

“Yeah, but maybe you need to.. make it clear you want to be more than friends.” She wet her lips. “That _is_ what you want, yeah?”

“Yes!” He frowned. “But how?”

She couldn’t help the disbelieving laugh that escaped her this time. Was he really asking her for advice on how to woo her?

“I dunno…tell her you’re attracted to m-her. Tell her that you want to be with her.”

“Oh.” He looked down at his hands for a moment before pinning her with heated look. “I do want to be with Rose. Rose is…blimey, she’s beautiful. And brave. And kind. And clever. Always asking the right questions, is Rose.” He blinked. “And she has the most _outstanding_ neck.”

“Pardon?” Caught up as she was in his sudden litany of praises, she hadn’t seen _that_ one coming.

“It’s looooong and smooth.” He blinked owlishly. “Watching her drink is alluring. Like a sexy goose, guzzling. Ooooh, I like that! Guzzling goose. Goose guzzling.”

She was torn between laughter and melting at the heat coming from his eyes even now. “A goose?”

“Yes. Sexy guzzling goose, that’s serious animal magnetism, that is.” He frowned, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “My tongue feels odd.”

“I’ll bet it does.” She couldn’t help her laughter this time. “Every conversation with you just goes…mental.”

“Is that good?”

“Yes, you nutter, it’s good.” 

Seeing his inebriated smile, however, reminded her that this wasn’t the time for this conversation. Pulling herself together, she grabbed his shoulders and carefully tugged at him until he lay down. 

“Can you get your shoes off?”

“Ooooh, you want to see my toooooes, Rose?” He beamed. “How about that? Toes rhymes with Roseeeee!”

She hid a smile. “Yeah, it does. Can you get ‘em off?”

“My toes?”

“No, your…oh never mind.” With quick, economical movements she unlaced his chucks and eased them off. “There you go. ‘M gonna get you a blanket and a pillow, yeah?”

“Both of you?” He blinked. “Can’t one of you stay?”

“You’re seein’ double?” She shook her head. “Great. Just how much _did_ you drink?”

“Not sure.” He frowned. “It was in preparation for…emotication. For Rose.” He frowned. “With Rose?”

She swallowed back the thrill and smiled at him. “Well you’re not in any kind of shape for any…emoticating. Why don’t you get some sleep and we can talk about it in the morning?”

He blinked. “Always…with the right questions, Rose.”

“Oh, so you recognise me now, do you?” she teased, tongue touching her teeth. “Thought you’d drunk yourself right into amnesia.”

His gaze zeroed in on her tongue. “I could never forget you.”

“No?” She swallowed. How had she never noticed _that_ look? Or had he hidden it?

“No. Rose, I-”

“Not now,” she cut in, heart pounding. “Not like this. Not when you’re half off your head. Tomorrow morning…if you still…we can talk then, ok?”

He stared at her intently. “You promise?”

“Yes.” She took a deep breath and tried to smile. “I don’t want you saying anything while you’re drunk, anythin’ you’ll regret. If you still feel the same way tomorrow morning, we can talk about it then.”

“Oh, I will. Tomorrow and the day after that the day after that, and the day after that and…” he trailed off, frowning. “What was I saying?”

She couldn’t entirely suppress her giggle. “Not to worry, you’ll remember tomorrow.”

“ _Molto bene_.” He beamed. “You’ll be here tomorrow won’t you Rose?”

“Course I will you plum, this is my flat.”

“Is it?” He blinked around. “It’s very nice. Your sofa is outstanding. Bouncy and soft. Like a soft, bouncy…thing.”

“Good to know.” She laughed, ignoring the little voice that said he might not feel the same way when he was sober. “‘Now you wait here and I‘m goin’ to get you that blanket.”

“Does it have bananas on it?”

“’Fraid not. Just a plain blue blanket.”

“Oh, blue. I like blue,” she heard him mutter as she made her way to the hallway cupboard. When she returned with the blanket and pillow moments later, he was lying face-up, peering up at the ceiling. 

“There are no stars in here,” he told her seriously as she spread the blanket over him. “I can’t find the Horsehead Nebula.”

“Course not, we’re inside, aren’t we?”

He blinked. “That is very true.”

“Come on,” she laughed. “Get some sleep and if you like we can pop onto the roof tomorrow night and star-gaze for a bit, yeah?”

“We can?”

“Of course we can!”

“Brilliant!” he beamed.

“Right, night then.” She hesitated, then leaned down and pressed her lips to his cheek, heart pounding. “Sleep well.”

“But I’m not sleepy!”

“You will be. Really soon.” She hoped it _was_ soon, because the potential turnaround of their relationship in the space of five minutes and the thought that he _might_ just want her after all was suddenly too much, too overwhelming and she wanted a few minutes to herself. “Now I’m going to clean up our plates and you close your eyes and try to sleep, ok? I’ll have some Panadol and water ready for you when you wake up.”

He blinked. “Thank you Rose.”

Gathering their dessert plates, she made her way to the kitchen, flicking the lights off on the way. She’d barely set the dishes in the sink before he called her.

“Rose?”

“Yeah?” She squeezed the sponge tightly in her hand.

“You promise we’ll talk in the morning?”

“Promise.” She took a deep breath and started scrubbing. Washing dishes by hand was apparently very therapeutic.

“And you won’t…” He took a deep breath. “You _want_ to talk? With me?”

In spite of her roiling emotions, she smiled. It seemed she wasn’t the only one who was nervous. “Course I do, silly.”

“Good.” He exhaled. “Rose?”

“Yeah?”

“My head is all woozy.”

“No surprise there. You guzzled down a good bit of that stuff. I dunno how you even drink it- it’s so sweet that it makes me sick!”

“I like-” he yawned “sweet things.” 

“Yeah.” She smiled to herself as she rinsed the last dish. “I know.”

“Rose?”

“What?”

“I’m glad I ended up in A&E.”

“Yeah, well, would’ve been a bit difficult with those magnets otherwise.”

“I like being in A&E.”

She laughed. “You do know you’re mental, don’t you?”

“Like it because-” another yawn “-you always come for me and bring me here. It’s brilliant.”

“You do know that you can come over without getting yourself admitted to hospital, yeah? We see each other all the time, for heaven’s sake!”

“It’s different.” Another yawn. “I’ve not had anyone since my parents passed on. Not someone to _care_. You care.” He sighed sleepily. “Not alone anymore.”

Her heart squeezed. “Course you’re not alone. There’s me.”

“I know.” The smile in his sleepy voice made her heart thrill. “There’s you. Roooooose Tyler.”

She exhaled shakily. How did he make her name sound like a caress?

“Rose?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m so glad I met you.”

She swallowed down the emotion that threatened to crawl out of her throat. “Me too,” she said quietly. “’S better with two.”

_Fin_

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Follow me on tumblr at countessselena.tumblr.com


End file.
